Even if you are not sure whether an open adoption is right for you, most birth and adoptive parents find that speaking and meeting with one another before making a commitment, helps them to decide whether to move forward with an adoption plan. Meeting in person allows the birth and adoptive parents to get to know one another and often provides the birth parent(s) with the confidence of knowing that they have selected the best family for their child. Many birth parents who have ongoing contact with the adoptive family find that receiving information about the child, and knowing that the child is thriving, helps to ease their feelings of loss. Children who are in direct communication with their birth family may come to understand that their birth parent didn’t abandon them but made the decision to place them for adoption out of love for them. Many adopted children also benefit from having a direct connection with another person with whom they have a shared biology. The benefit for adopted persons to obtain updated medical information from genetically related family members is also undeniable. While some adoptive parents fear that an open adoption will confuse their child, ongoing research has not born out that concern.
Adoption has changed a great deal over time. Today, birth mothers and birth fathers often choose to be actively involved in all facets of the process of adoption planning. Many times they opt to choose their child’s adoptive parents, and they are requesting consistent communication and interaction with the children they place for adoption throughout the life cycle of the adoption. Does this benefit the children?
A closed adoption is the type where there is totally no contact between the birth parents and the adoptive parents as well as the child. There is also no classifying information shared between families about each other, thereby effectively cutting possible contact between the two. Before the child joins the family, the adoptive parents are provided with non-identifying data about the child and his or her birth family. Once the adoption is concluded, all records are sealed. These sealed records may or may not become accessible to the adopted child once he or she turns 18, but this is dependent on the signed paperwork and local law.
LifeLong Adoptions supports three types of adoption: open adoption, semi-open adoption, and closed adoption. Each birthmother chooses the type of adoption she would like to have. We then ensure she is matched with an adoptive family that is interested in the same type of adoption. Though you may prefer a specific adoption type, it is beneficial to remain open minded in case the birthmother who choses you prefers a different arrangement.
Oftentimes the birth and adoptive parents will sign a Post-Adoption Contract (sometimes called an Open Adoption Agreement), putting in writing any promises regarding contact after the adoption is finalized. Even in those states which do not expressly have laws in this area, these agreements can usually be prepared if the parties desire to formalize the agreement. In an increasing number of US states, courts will find these agreements legally enforceable, as long as they serve the best interests of the child. It is not unusual for these agreements to be more like "handshake" agreements, although they offer less protection to a birth parent if the adoptive parent's promises were not honored.
Keep in mind that adoption relationships are ever evolving. One adoption may be fully open and then the birth mother decides to limit contact, while another adoption may be semi-open and then both the birth parents and adoptive family decide to engage in a more open adoption. While American Adoptions does require adoptive parents to be open to a certain standard of communication, what your adoption communication will look like will ultimately depend on the preferences of the pregnant woman who chooses you.
We’re honored to offer our services to women and couples throughout the United States. If you live in Oregon or Washington and would like to meet in person we have offices in Portland and Eugene, Oregon and Seattle, Washington or we’ll come to you. We can also meet via Skype. (OA&FS can place children in adoption up to the age of three and one-half.)
Prior to adoption, the infant would often be placed in temporary and state-mandated foster care for a few weeks to several months until the adoption was approved. This would also help ensure that he or she was healthy, that the birthparent was sure about relinquishment, and that nothing was overlooked at the time of birth. Nowadays[when?], this practice is discouraged, as it prevents immediate bonding between the mother and child. Also, much better medical testing is available, both prenatally and postnatally. Many children also developed orphanage-type behavior including head banging, rocking and hand flapping. Many adopted adults still retain this rocking behavior especially when tired.
The cost for a confidential intermediary and related court fees can be around $500, but varies by state and agency. For persons who cannot afford the fees, there is usually assistance available from the tax-payer supported state department or the non-profit agency, and anyone can request from them how-to request this help. Most agencies charge a fixed fee which includes everything, and only in the most extreme and unusual circumstances ask for additional funds. If the adoptee is unable to locate (or would prefer to use a third person) to find his or her birth father, often the same confidential intermediary can be used for an additional fee.
If adoptive parents have chosen closed adoption as a preference, they may feel closed adoption allows them to parent without interference or worry that an open adoption would confuse their child. If birth parents have chosen to keep the adoption closed, the benefits will also be tied to the reasons for this choice. The placement may be due to wanting the child out of a bad situation, and the closed adoption allows for security. If the child is a product of sexual assault, closed adoption may benefit the privacy and emotions of both the birth parent and child. A birth parent may also choose to keep an adoption closed because an open adoption would be too difficult emotionally. A closed adoption may be viewed, in this case, as an opportunity to try to move on.
It's equally important adopters understand that in a closed adoption little to no information will be exchanged with the birth parents, including their choice to arrange an adoption with the couple. This can feel like a distant business deal for some adoptive couples who want to know the nuances and personality of the mother of the child they're being placed with. Other adoptive parents may feel the separation of adoptive and birth parent eliminates possible instability an openly known birth mother's lifestyle may bring into a family dynamic. Also, in an open adoption, if communication is lost between the birth mother and adoptee, the child may become confused and hurt.